More of my sex educationIt’s sometime in the 80s and I’m in a dirty bookshop in Northampton, as always wearing my dirty mac. I was about to start a change in my life, in my 40s. There was then a lot I didn’t know, and more to the point never thought about. I also did at that age know a few things that I hadn’t really confronted in my youth – I was a wanker, and not only sure about that but very happy to be. I was still very naive even when I was middle-aged. There was no Internet, and although I’d seen stocking-tops, knickers and cleavage on TV, you rarely saw topless or nudity (stocking-tops, knickers and cleavage was more than enough for me, and I’d often cum in my pants seeing girls show their knickers.)There was not even satellite TV then, and though I saw the (censored) covers of porn mags in shops in Soho, you only got glamour mags in the corner shop. VHS tapes had been introduced, and in my dirty bookshop, they were playing one on a TV for the first time. I didn’t realise that’s what it was when I went in, and of course headed straight for the big tit mags. I struggled to the counter with a stash of dirty books to hand them to the lady to pay for them, and was stunned to see a man and a woman on the screen, doing something odd. I rarely went to the cinema unless there was a Carry On film, where I could see my beloved glamour models showing, talking, moving, and cum in my pants, but I’d seen films on TV. In films people in bed kept some clothes on and though there might be kissing and stuff, you never saw anything actually happen. I guess the idea was everyone would know what was happening, except me of course – I’d no idea and more to the point never gave it a moment’s thought. I know the intense pleasure I got when a girl made me cum in my pants, but I never thought about how women got pleasure, or even if they did. (Not a lot of use, am I?!)I know how men got pleasure of course, and I had a rough idea about procreation, but I always had this idea that the girls who posed in my magazines, or appeared sexy-dressed in films and so on, lived in a different world. I never thought that these girls would let men touch them – to me they were goddesses – and still are – and couldn’t be defiled. I didn’t know that some of the goddesses who posed in my big-tit mags in the 80s, like Miss Stacey Owen and Miss Shona McFarlane, actually did photos and videos with men’s cocks in them and in their mouths, since I didn’t buy those porn mags in Soho. I would have been very shocked, and indeed upset, to see men touching them, being naked with them, getting erect and having the girls hold their penises, and then spunk getting everywhere. It shocks me even istanbul escort now because those girls to me are Goddesses and pure. Stupid idiot, eh?!So seeing the couple in that VHS movie made me feel very strange, and then when I heard the woman moaning, I was very worried, I was thinking was it one of those movies where something awful happens, and just blurted out to the woman behind the counter, “what’s happening, what’s he doing to Her, why is he hurting Her?!” or something like that. She just burst out laughing – remember, She’s seen this pervert in his mac 100s of times, buying 100s and 100s of mags over the years, so She knew I was a big wanker. Immediately the penny dropped and I flushed bright red, but oh, how I love that memory – She really knew I was a wanker now! – ‘god I knew the pervert collects dirty mags by the 1000 but he doesn’t even know what intercourse is! You really telling me he’s never ‘done it’?! He’s got to be the biggest wanker I know!’A lot was about to change in my life, not just seeing more of those videos, but meeting Miss Melanie and worshipping in person for the very first time. In one of the peepshow booths in Soho a few weeks later they had a new thing – a video machine, which was playing tapes. I used the booths to peep out at the girls serving change to the punters (it was a 50p coin to operate the peepshow hatch and watch the girls dance nude). In between dancing shifts, the girls would give out change, or walk between sites to do a dancing shift elsewhere. I loved the thought that these girls let all the men see them dance bare, and I loved mac-wanking seeing them standing there welcoming the punters, their cleavage on display or wearing a short skirt. I got orgasmic pleasure many times watching those lovely girls.If there wasn’t a booth to stand in, I’d hang around in my mac anyway if She was showing more than I could handle, too much on display for me to walk away from, and stand there ogling, stiff in my pants and hand in pocket to gently squeeze till She made me cum in my pants. This day though I saw these new video machines playing and there was a girl wanking a cock in front of Her mouth. I just froze, terrified that She didn’t realise what would happen if She kept rubbing the cock at that speed and just thinking ‘the spunk’s gonna go in Her mouth, crikey!?’I watched in shocked awe and then She slowed down and jerked it gently right in Her mouth and a big spurt of cum shot in, and She kept rubbing it, milking the spunk into Her mouth and then showing us She’d swallowed it all. I backed out the booth, dazed and stumbling. avcılar escort The girl doing change turned round, concerned, and asked if I was all right. “She just, I mean, have you seen it, oh god, oh..” She pulled a puzzled expression, saying something like “haven’t you seen the movies before, it’s a new thing?” I hope my blank expression conveyed the truth, and that is that I’d never seen anything like that before. Of course after that, porn became increasingly available, then there was a crackdown, but in the 90s it was back going strong. I was going regularly to Aphrodite in Derby to buy dirty mags from Miss Debbie. The mags were sealed so you could only see the cover, and so I innocently bought this mag with a big-tit girl on the cover. I had to bring it back a week later cause out turned out it was a porn mag – the ‘cover’ was actually one of the pages, the mag had been folded to that and the real cover was hidden. I brought it back to exchange, telling Miss Debbie my mistake and then stupidly asking Her “do girls really do things like that?” having seen strange contortions and penises inserted right in – I remember thinking ‘surely She must be able to feel his balls up against Her, does She really want that?’Of course Miss Debbie knew how big a wanker I was, having bought tons of mags from Her shop and usually opening my case to cram in the new purchases so She could see it was already crammed with soiled mags stuffed with toilet paper. She also always saw my spunk-encrusted wank-trousers and the holes in my mac pockets. She was always very kind though, and simply replied “I suppose they must do”. (The pinnacle was seeing Her sitting in a short skirt on a stool behind Her counter talking on the phone, sending me into a trance which ended with a lot of spunk being pumped into my pants as I nodded gently in front of Her).I was struggling to buy mags then because, even though the cover looked the same, opening the mags showed much more explicit photos, much more than I could take, and men were even beginning to appear with the girls. Fortunately it was the 90s and the Internet was just round the corner. I found my beloved Spick&Span-style photos online, and lots of other lovely things, but of course porn became increasingly prevalent and explicit, such that clicking on a link often brought an explicit scene to the screen without warning. Like it or not, I was being educated in the realities of sex, and I still enjoy the embarrassment and shame and humiliation of being a life-long wanker in middle-age who knew nothing about sex. Back in the 90s, I remember seeing girls so skimpy-dressed walking şirinevler escort down the high-street as I got my perv pleasure under my rainmac, and being worried that, dressed like that, weren’t they going to attract unwanted attention? I mean, I knew about men and how normal men wanted to get their hands on girls and do things. If girls went clubbing showing so much, how were they going to avoid that? Of course I know nothing about what girls think, which I guess is pretty obvious! Meeting Miss Melanie meant my ‘girl-worship’ was out of the closet for the first time in my life, even though I was already in my 40s by then. For the first time a girl knew what a wanker I was, saw my dirty magazines and what I did to them, saw the state of my wank-trousers, let me see Her show while I stood there in my dirty mac, and saw the spunk pumping through the front of my trousers. Over the years I was lucky enough to worship a few Goddesses, though I always had to be more discreet than with Miss Melanie. There are many girls now who know I’m a wanker, and know a lot of detail about my girl-worship, including girls who posed in mags I bought in the 80s and 90s, and girls who had sites with their photos that I bought. On more than one occasion several of those girls have taunted me about being a ‘virgin’ (I hate using that term, cause it implies something very different to a disgusting, pervert mac-wanker like me). Miss Leigh tells Her model friend about how I just cum in my pants seeing cleavage, “that’s all he needs, pathetic wanker”. How they laugh. Miss Danica said “I bet you’d run a mile if I jumped on you!” – that did terrify me, though I don’t think there’s any way a goddess like Her would remotely think to do that. How shocked I was to find a video of Miss J sucking and licking a cock till the spunk came out, running down Her hand and going in Her mouth. I never imagined Her doing anything like that but at least nowadays I love the thought of Her being that ‘dirty’ (yes, I know it’s not, it’s normal, but a perv like me can only think that way). At one time I would have been sort of jealous that a goddess I worshipped, who could make me spunk my pants just at the sight of Her, would ‘do things’ with men. How pathetic, eh?!So really in the last 20 or 30 years, my life has changed so much. There are many girls, and I’ve been in the presence of several girls, who know I’m a very big wanker, they’ve seen me in my dirty mac, they’ve seen my magazines and laptop, they know how pervy a wanker like me worships goddesses, they all know I cum in my pants watching them during Worship Sessions. They seem happy to provide this joy for me, knowing that I’ve never had or wanted relations, knowing how little I need to see to go into perv ecstasy, knowing that it takes a lot of nerve for me to attend the Sessions, thinking as I always do ‘surely a lovely girl isn’t going to want to allow a disgusting useless perv into Her presence, to look at Her, to wet himself with cum seeing Her pose? But they do.